


Meet Me In Hell

by Sir_Weston



Category: South Park
Genre: Competition, F/M, Goths vs Vampires, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Haunted Houses, Hellevator, Henrietta is the mom of the group, Karen is a goth, No one does Halloween like a Goth, She also rages easily, South Park: The Fractured But Whole, Unrequited Crush, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-07-23 11:44:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16158317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sir_Weston/pseuds/Sir_Weston
Summary: The Goths and the vampires are in a competition to see who has the scariest haunted house after Mike insults the goths. The stakes are high as this will prove once and for all who's better than who and may or may not involve getting naked in this terrifying contest of wills and trying-not-to-cry. Also, Henrietta really doesn't want to go on a date with Mike.(Meanwhile Firkle is just trying to figure out the best way to ask out Karen without looking like a total dork.)





	1. Halloween is the only good holiday

**Author's Note:**

> HALLOWEEN FIC TIME! Don’t worry, I’m still working on my other stories, but I want to start working on this so I can have it out by Halloween.
> 
> Basically I wanted to have a competition between the goths and the vampire kids, and what better time to do it than Halloween? I was inspired by this (sadly no longer running) horror based reality show called Hellevator where a group gets on an elevator and goes between floors to compete in scary challenges for money while their hosts (who were hilarious, by the way) taunts them. I highly suggest watching it. It was a great show. It’ll give some context for later.
> 
> Anyway, this is also a few years after the From Dusk Until Casa Bonita DLC episode from the Fractured but Whole so Karen is part of the goths as well. I guess that’s all I have to say for now. Enjoy!

The goths weren’t the kind of people who enjoyed holidays. Easter, Christmas, Thanksgiving, St. Patrick’s day, those were all for conformists. But there was one holiday that the goths did enjoy, and that was Halloween. It was the one time of year when they got to really bring out their dark side and relish in the shadows of life. And this year they were going to make the most of it.

Currently, Michael, Pete, Henrietta, Firkle, and Karen were at the Spirit Halloween store that was set up in the mall, trying to decide what the perfect costumes for this year were. As they looked at the row of gothic costumes (of course) they suddenly heard someone snickering at them. No one except Michael turned to see who it was, and when he did, he let out an annoyed sigh.

“Don’t bother looking,” he warned the others.

“Let me guess,” Henrietta muttered as she eyed one of the witch costumes, “It’s those loser vampire kids.”

“Uh-huh,” Michael confirmed. The others all groaned with annoyance.

“I can’t believe I ever thought they were cool,” Karen scoffed.

“What posers,” Firkle scowled, glancing at them out of the corner of his eye. He could see Mike surrounded by a bunch of his followers near what was no doubt the vampire costumes. Because they weren’t already losers enough.

“Just ignore them and maybe they’ll realize what losers they are and go away,” Pete suggested. His hopes were dashed, however, when Mike and the other vamp kids started sauntering over to them, causing the goths to roll their eyes.

“Well, well, what do we have here?” Mike asked, his arms folded behind his back, “A bunch of goth kids looking for their lame Halloween costumes that will no doubt be inferior to ours, per se?”

Pete rolled his eyes. “Oh, and let me guess, you guys are going as vampires, aren’t you?” he said, the disdain clear in his voice. The vamp kids all hesitated awkwardly. That was exactly what they were going to dress up as.

“Don’t you guys ever get tired of being loser conformists?” Michael asked with a sigh, “Wouldn’t you for once in your God-damn lives like to dress up as something other than a vampire?”

The vampire kids all blinked at him. “I don’t get it,” Larry the vamp kid said stupidly. Michael face palmed.

“Whatever,” he muttered, “You losers can do whatever you want. Like we give a crap.”

The goths started to walk away, but Mike quickly ran after them. “Actually, there is a reason we came over,” he told them, “Us vampires are putting together a haunted house on Halloween eve, and we want you there as our honored guests, per se.”

Henrietta’s brow raised in disbelief. “Really? You lame-o’s made a haunted house?” she asked, “and you’re actually inviting us to it?”

“Think of it as an invitation to your downfall,” Mike replied, the biggest smuggest grin on his face, “Where we vampires will finally put you goths in your place and show you once and for all how superior we are to you.”

“With a haunted house?” Firkle clarified.

“A haunted house that will scare the pants off you losers!” Annie jumped in.

“Ok, sure,” Karen scoffed, “A bunch of plastic bats and fake coffins are going to scare the pants off of us.”

“It’s more than just that,” Annie muttered, rubbing her arm.

“Yeah? Did you add spooky ghosties hanging on wires that swoop down to scare us?” Pete mocked, “Are one of you going to dress up in a rubber mask and pop out of a corner and try to jump scare us?”

Mike glared at him. “You’ll just have to find out,” he hissed at them.

“No thanks,” Michael dismissed, “We’d rather do literally anything else than go to your gay little haunted house.” He gestured to his friends and they started to walk away again.  
“I get it,” Mike called after them, “I should’ve known you goths were too chicken to try. After all, you’re all just a bunch of pussies.”

The five goths stopped in their tracks. Slowly, they turned around, glaring angrily at Mike. “What did you call us?” Firkle growled.

Mike sneered at them. “If you’re too afraid too try, I understand,” he continued, “Our house is pretty hard core, per se. And you guys are cowards.”

“We are not cowards!” Henrietta snapped, marching right up to him, and getting all up in Mike’s face. In her rage, she failed to notice the blush that was slowly creeping onto his cheeks. “I bet we could make a haunted house that’s ten times as scary as yours!”

“Uh, Henrietta, what are you doing?” Pete whispered to her.

“Oh, is that so?” Mike sneered, “Well, how about we make this interesting, per se? Our haunted house against your haunted house. And if we vampires win, then you have to admit once and for all that we’re better than you!”

“And if we win then on Halloween night all of you vampires have to give us your trick-or-treat candy plus strip down naked and run through the streets of South Park!” Henrietta shot back. Her friends gave her baffled looks.

Mike’s confident look faltered for a moment and he look conflicted. But the moment passed and he puffed out his chest and tried to appear bigger. “Deal!” he said, holding out his hand. Henrietta took it and started crushing it, causing Mike to slowly wither to the ground in pain.

As Henrietta stormed out of the store, her friends ran after her. “Uh, Henrietta, do you know what you just did?” Karen asked.

“Yes,” she replied, “I just got us extra candy on Halloween.”

“And forced us into a competition with the vampires,” Michael pointed out, “We don’t even have a haunted house! Let alone the budget for-“

“Shut up!” Henrietta snapped, “I’m angry, therefor I’m right!”

Pete let out a heavy sigh. “Well if we’re really going to this, we’re going sadly have ask for some help,” he said, “Unfortunately.”

“Oh! I know who we can ask for help!” Karen exclaimed.


	2. Brothers; What are they good for?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karen decides they need help to beat the vampires and that means going to her brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The goths have no idea what they’re doing. They’re going to recruit more people who have no idea what they’re doing.

Karen led the others over the railroad tracks towards her own home. Even after all these years, the McCormick’s house was still a desolate wreck of a building. In fact, it may have gotten even worse. The entire structure was barely standing and looked like it might fall over at a moment’s notice. Or a small breeze.

Even though they were poor, the McCormicks did decorate for Halloween; mostly with rotting pumpkins and stuff other people threw away. And a stuffed dead rat or two.

After putting the front door back in the frame (it fell off almost every time someone opened it,) Karen was not surprised to find her father passed out in a drunken stupor on the couch. She rolled her eyes at him and led her friends back to her brother’s room.

Karen was about to enter Kenny’s room, but Firkle stopped her. “Shouldn’t you knock before going in your brother’s room?” he asked. She blinked at him.

“Why?” she wondered.

“I don’t know,” Firkle admitted, “For privacy or something. He might be jerking off.”

“Gross, Firkle,” Henrietta muttered, rolling her eyes.

Shrugging, Karen turned back to the door and knocked softly. There was a shuffling sound followed by the loud sound of someone falling to the floor. Finally, the door opened a crack and Karen’s brother Kenny appeared.

“Whaddya need, kiddo?” he asked in a somewhat horse voice, as if he had just woken up. Even though Karen had become goth, that had never stopped Kenny from caring for his little baby sister.

“Kenny, we’re building a haunted house,” Karen explained, “We need it to be way better than the douchey vampire kids’ house, but we need help.”

“Really?” Kenny’s brows lifted in surprise, “How’d that happen? Eh, whatever. Of course I’ll help you, kid.”

Trying not to smile too hard, the corner of Karen’s mouth turned up. “Thanks, bro,” she said, “Get your friends to help too. We’re gonna need them.”

“Oh, and we can’t pay you,” Michael added.

“Duly noted,” Kenny said.

…

Half an hour later, the goths were walking towards an old warehouse where Kenny stood outside with his friends, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Butters. Everyone except Butters looked a little bored. Butters looked unnerved and creeped out.

“This is where we’re setting up our house of horrors?” Henrietta asked in a disapproving voice as she and her friends approached. Kyle frowned.

“It’s the best we could do on such short notice,” he objected, “You didn’t exactly give us a lot of warning, you know.”

“Whatever, it’ll have to do,” Michael dismissed, “Um, it is structurally sound, right?”

Kyle turned and looked back at the large rotting warehouse as a loud groan erupted from it. He waited several seconds for it to settle before turning back. “I’m pretty sure,” he replied.

He led the group into the building. “Okay, so there’s three floors, and the man is letting us rent us rent this place until the first week of November,” Kyle explained as they looked around the vast empty first floor, “That’ll give us time to clean up when you’re done.”

“I think this will work,” Henrietta decided. Her friends looked at her.

“Really?” Pete asked in a disbelieving voice. But Henrietta wasn’t really listening to him. She had that mischievous look in her eyes again. The one that got them into this in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a short chapter, but I want to get to these chapters out fast. Next time we’ll throw a twist in the plot and the group will get to work on their house of horrors.


	3. Mike's an asshole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While searching for supplies, Henrietta is confronted by a foe. Also, Firkle tries his hand at flirting.

For the next several days the group of teens could be seen entering and exiting the warehouse carrying various supplies. If anyone tried to get close to see what they were doing, Firkle would chase them away. At first they were only going to use the first floor of the warehouse, but at the goths’ ideas expanded they eventually made their way up to the third floor as well. They bought their supplies from various places to keep it varied.

Henrietta was on a supply run now to the local Best Buy pulling a wagon (black) behind her with a sheet over it so no one could see what was underneath. Michael thought she was crazy, but she didn’t trust Mike not to have vampire spies trying to see how well their haunted house was coming along.

As she scanned the Halloween section for anything they could use, she suddenly felt a chill run up her spine. She was about to turn around, when a pair of hands gently landed on her waist. She hissed at the contact, already knowing who was behind her.

“Ah! The lovely Henrietta!” Mike sighed in her ear, “I was hoping I would catch you at some point before our little competition!”

“Get your hands off me, Mike,” Henrietta snarled, smacking his hands away, “You’re dirty!” She spun around to face him, a nasty glare on her face. “What do you want, Makowski?”

“I just wanted to make this whole thing a bit more interesting, per se,” Mike cooed, “I was thinking that if we vampires win then you would agree to go on a date with me.”

Henrietta let out a huff of laughter. “And why on Earth would I agree to that?” she wondered, “What would I get out of it?” Mike smirked.

“Well, I would back off,” he replied, “I wouldn’t bother you anymore. Wouldn’t that be nice for you?”

The goth paused and really thought about it. It would be nice to have Mike off her back. Her friends didn’t see how much he flirted with her behind their backs. How he kept touching her and brushing up against her. She had the chance to make all of that stop.

She scowled. “Fine,” she growled, taking his outstretched hand, and gripping it tightly. Mike tried hard not to cringe.

“I think you’ll find once you go on one date with me you’ll soon want to go on another date with me,” he said after he managed pry his hand out of hers, “And then another and another. Until eventually you just want to become my mistress.” He walked past her until he was next to her and winked. “Think about it.” Then he left.

Henrietta silently fumed to herself. Did that fucker just threaten her? Oh, he was going down! Taking her wagon full of stuff, she headed back to the warehouse.

…

Firkle worked beside Karen, trying hard not to stare too much at her. His heart was beating faster than normal as he smeared fake blood on the wall to spell out a message. It happened every time he was near Karen. Probably had something to do with having a massive crush on her.

He decided he was going to try to talk to her. “So, um, Karen,” he started, “D-Do you think we stand a chance against the vamp kids?”

Karen looked at him and gave him a small smile. “Are you kidding, Firkle? We’ll mop the floor with them!” she declared. She grunted slightly as moved the dead body into place. “Help me rig this body so when they walk by it’ll fall on them,” she said.

“Oh sure,” Firkle agreed shyly. He helped her shove the (fake) dead body into a near by cabinet and rig it up so when someone walked by it open and the body would fall out and drop on the passerby.

“Sweet!” Karen exclaimed, “Those stupid vamp kids won’t know what hit them!” She grabbed Firkle’s hand and started dragging him off. “Come on! Let’s go see how the others are coming along!”

Firkle started blushing furiously. “Y-Yeah, sure,” he murmured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw! Firkle’s got a crush! And Mike is so dead if Henrietta has anything to say about it. It’ll still be like one more chapter be we get to the fun, but I’ll try to have it up soon.


	4. Firkle fails to flirt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenny gives Firkle advice on how to talk to Karen. It does not go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Henrietta going to tell her friends the addition she made to the bet? Probably not. Anyway, with just a few days left until Halloween, let’s hope our favorite goths can get their house of horrors finished in time!

Henrietta seemed really on edge the next few days. Any attempts by Pete or Michael to ask her about it were received with a nasty glare and a hiss from her. It didn’t help when a week before Halloween they caught a couple of vamp kids spying on them, trying to figure out their secrets. They had Cartman sit on them until they were willing to confess that they were indeed spying on them.

All the while Firkle was desperately trying to work up the nerve to say more than one awkward sentence to Karen. As most of the others were on the bottom two floors, Firkle found Kenny working on the third floor and decided that this might be the perfect time to ask him for some advice.

Firkle carefully approached Kenny as he was installing cables and wiring for lighting and sound. He cleared his throat to get his attention. Kenny spun around and spotted him and his eyes softened.

“Hey kiddo,” he greeted, “What’s up?”

“Don’t call me kiddo,” Firkle muttered. He addressed Kenny in a louder voice. “Um, can I ask for some advice?”

As carefully as he could Kenny climbed down the ladder he was on so he could talk to Firkle more clearly. He brushed off his hands before addressing Firkle. “So, what can I do for you?” he wondered.

Now that Firkle was actually about to ask for advice, he felt nervous and a little silly. Goths didn’t normally ask for help with anything, plus he was about to ask Kenny how to pick up his sister. Maybe this was a bad idea.

“Er, I was wondering if I could get some help with your sister, Karen,” he started. Kenny cocked his head in confusion at him.

“What’s wrong with her?” he asked.

“Nothing!” Firkle replied quickly, “Um, I was hoping (God, this is embarrassing) to get your advice on how to ask her out.”

Kenny blinked several times at him before realization finally dawned on him. “Oh! My, that’s adorable!” he exclaimed. Firkle flinched.

“It’s not adorable,” he muttered, “Can you please just help me? Every time I try to talk to her I get all flustered and nervous!”

Trying his best not grin wildly, Kenny nodded. “All right, I’ll help you,” he said, “But we have to be discreet about it. Ever since she’s turned goth, Karen’s been a little moody. I don’t think she’d want her big brother helping her get a date.”

Firkle tried not to let himself get nervous by that. “So, what do I have to do?” he wondered.

“You just have to try to be confident,” Kenny explained, “But don’t act cocky or arrogant. She wouldn’t like that. As long as you can get a coherent sentence out I think you should be good.”

Shuddering slightly, Firkle nodded. “I think I can do that,” he said.

After his talk with Kenny, he went back down to the lower floors to look for Karen. She was on the second floor with Butters and Cartman, barking orders at them. Firkle swallowed his nerves and gathered the small amount of courage he had before walking over and tapping her on the shoulder. Karen spun around and gave him a small smile.

“Oh, hey Firkle!” she greeted, “What’s up?”

Instantly, Firkle’s nerves froze up. What is up? Was it the sky? Or the ceiling? Oh, wait! She was asking for the reason he was there! Wait, why was he there? What was he even doing talking to her? Why couldn’t he move?

Karen stared at the shaking Firkle with a concerned expression. “Um, Firkle? Are you ok?” she asked him.

Instead of hearing her question, all Firkle could hear was his pounding heartbeat. He had to get out of here. “Um, n-nothing,” he muttered, “N-Never mind.” He quickly back-paddled until he was desperately running from the room, leaving Karen baffled.


	5. Give us candy or else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The vampires try to scare the goths with their haunted house. Will they succeed?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for some scares! Boy, Firkle really blew it in the last chapter, huh? Hopefully he’ll come through in the end. But now we get some trick-or-treating in! And a spooky ghost house made by some douchey vamp kids! Yay!

Finally the day of Halloween arrived. Even working on their horror house all week, the goths had still managed to find costumes. Michael was dressed as the Phantom of the Opera, Firkle was dressed as the devil, Pete was the grim reaper, Henrietta was a gypsy, and Karen was a witch. Even though they had to go through the vampires’ haunted house, that didn’t mean they couldn’t take the opportunity to get as much candy as possible first.

Kenny and his friends were also getting as much candy as they could before they were needed. (“After all, what’s Halloween without a metric ton of candy?” Kenny boasted as he and his friends all held up two pillow cases each that they planned to fill.)

The two groups separated, going their own ways (even though they were working together, the goths didn’t really want to be seen with Stan’s group) to search for treats. Before they left, however, Kenny warned the older goths that someone better be holding Karen’s hand at all times (or else) despite Karen insisting she was fine.

“I don’t know why my brother always has to worry about me,” she complained as she gripped Michael’s hand tightly, “I can take care of myself.”

“We believe you,” Pete told her, “But Kenny made it very clear he would murder us if we let anything happen to you.”

Firkle slightly behind Karen shaking a little, but not from the cold. He still couldn’t believe how badly he had blown it the other day. How had he chocked so badly? He was so focused on his problem he didn’t even notice that he was about to walk into a streetlight until Henrietta pulled him away.

“Hey, are you all right?” Henrietta asked, pulling Firkle back a little, “You seem a little bit distracted.” To prove her point further, she had to tug on Firkle’s arm to prevent him from walking into the street.

“Sorry,” Firkle muttered, focusing on the sidewalk in front of them, “I tried to talk to Karen the other day but I totally froze up.” He sighed. “I didn’t think I was normally this nervous. Why can’t I talk to her?”

Smirking, Henrietta lifted her hand to hide her smile before answering. “I had no idea you had a crush on Karen,” she lied, “But seriously, if you really want to talk to her just talk to her! Don’t think about it! Talk to her like a normal person!”

Firkle gave her a weak smile. “Thanks Henrietta,” he said.

Henrietta gave him a gentle nudge and they increased their pace to catch back up to the group. After about an hour of gathering candy, the goths finally came across the vampire’s haunted house. A long line of kids, teens, and adults were waiting eagerly to get in.

Mike was at the front of the line greeting people along with a few of his vampire minions. He looked up and spotted the goths, grinning smugly. “Ah! If it isn’t our honored guests, per se,” he greeted, spreading his arms, “Welcome to the Vampire’s House of Horrors!”

Unimpressed, Michael looked up at the house the vampires had decorated. It just looked like one of their own houses dressed up to look kind of spooky. It was probably Mike’s house. Which meant his annoying stepdad was most likely nearby.

As if on cue, Mike’s stepdad Mr. Adams suddenly popped up behind the goths, startling them. “Hey folks! We’re all having fun here!” he exclaimed, “Mike told me to escort you five right to the front of the line! Ok! Here we go! We’re all having a great time!”

“Don’t touch me,” Pete growled as Mr. Adams started nudging them forward.

Mike grinned at them but before he could say anything Pete spoke first. “See? I knew it. They were all just going to dress up as vampires,” he deadpanned, “They’re not even dressed as any of the classic vampires either. Just the loser fake ones from Twilight.”

Hissing, Mike turned to glare at him. “What would you know about vampires anyway, Thelman?” he growled.

“I know that vampires don’t sparkle like fairies, Makowski,” Pete retorted.

Before Mike and Pete could argue anymore, Henrietta stepped in between them. “Can we just get this over with?” she requested, “We know this is gonna suck so let’s just get on with it, please.”

Mike’s eyes softened as he turned to her. “Of course, m’dear,” he murmured. He turned and nodded to Annie, who was in front of the door. She nodded back and moved to open the door for them.

“Thanks, loser,” Henrietta hissed at her as the goths moved past her into the house. Annie growled something under her breath before slamming the door shut behind them, plunging them into darkness.

“Ooh, dark,” Firkle said sarcastically, “How terrifying to a goth.”

“Welcome mortals!” Mike greeted, suddenly appearing next to them with a red glow wand, “I hope you’re ready to admit defeat. Because after tonight you will never feel safe in the darkness again!”

“Whatever, Mike,” Michael replied, rolling his eyes.

Mike glared at him but continued. “I will be your guide through this house so I can personally witness your fall!” he concluded.

“Great,” Karen muttered, as Mike started leading them forward. They started in the dark living room that was decorated with kind of spooky decorations. There was a mannequin on the couch dressed to look like a bride. In her hand was a bloody fake cleaver. And on the floor was a mannequin dressed a groom was covered in fake blood, implying that the bride killed him. To a regular person this may seem scary, especially with all the creepy lighting and sounds, but the goths remained unmoved.

As they moved throughout the house there were a few loud noises and a couple of jump scares and a few of the vamp kids would scream at them in a desperate attempt to scare them. At most it got the goths’ hearts racing a bit but it definitely wasn’t racing out of the house scary.

It was clear as they traversed the house that Mike was getting more and more nervous that none of the goths were screaming out loud or getting terrified. As he spoke his voice started rising in volume, and his hands waved wildly about. By the time they had reached the end of the house and Mike had finished the tale of the murderous bride who went on a crazy rampage, the most he had managed to get out of any of them was a tiny squeak of fear out of Karen.

“Nice house,” Henrietta said as they exited out the back door, “If you trying to scare three year olds.” Mike scowled at her.

“You can’t honestly tell me you guys weren’t scared,” he hissed, “People have been running out of the house in fear since yesterday.”

“They’re probably scared of how boring it is,” Michael mocked, “We’ve seen those tricks in hundreds of haunted houses before.”

Mike bared his plastic fangs at him. “Fine then,” he snarled, “You think you guys could do any better? You think you can scare us vampires? Lords of all darkness, per se? Give us your best shot!”

As the rest of Mike’s vampire minions gathered beside him, Henrietta gave him a nasty grin. “All right,” she sneered, “You asked for it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I failed to finish this before Halloween. Oh well. I’m still gonna finish it. There’s only one more chapter to go! Be sure to stay tuned!


	6. Running through the streets with your dignity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The vampires have to go through the goths' haunted house.  
> But first Firkle faces his fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the last chapter! I want to thank everyone who’s been actually reading this. Heaven knows why. Anyway, ready to read about the goths’ haunted warehouse? And maybe see Firkle hopefully ask Karen out? You’d better be!

As the goths led the vampires back to the warehouse, Henrietta discreetly texted Stan and the others to get ready. It was show time. Hopefully they would be in position before they got back, but just in case they took a longer, convoluted route back to the warehouse.

While the vamp kids complained about how far away this place was, Firkle walked beside Karen, gathering his courage to talk to her. He remembered what Henrietta said about just treating her like a normal person and not thinking about it too much. He took a deep breath.

“So, what’d you think about their haunted house?” he asked, “Pretty standard, huh?”

Karen looked at him, a slight look of surprise on her face that he was actually talking to her. But then she smiled. “Yeah,” she replied, “It was really plain. Kenny used to take me to quite a few houses like that when I was younger so I wouldn’t be as scared when I grew older. So, dollar store decorations like that aren’t going to frighten me.”

Firkle chuckled lightly. “Heh, yeah,” he agreed. He cleared his throat and looked down at the ground awkwardly. “Um, sorry I’ve been so awkward around you lately,” he started, “I really don’t know how to talk to you.”

Cocking her head in confusion, Karen gave him a strange look. “You don’t?” she asked, “Why not?”

“Because…” Firkle paused to shudder slightly, “Because I really like you. And I always get super nervous around you because of it.”

To Firkle’s amazement, Karen suddenly burst out laughing. “Oh Firkle!” she giggled, “You don’t have to be nervous around me! I like you too!”

A fierce blush came to the young goth’s face. “R-Really?” he said. Karen smiled and leaned over, kissing him gently on the cheek, which caused Firkle to blush even harder.

“Geez, if I had known that was what was bugging you all week I would have said something sooner!” Karen mused, happily looping her arm with Firkle’s.

Right in front of them, Henrietta, Pete, and Michael quickly faced forward so Firkle and Karen wouldn’t catch them staring or the amused grins they had on their faces. They always had a feeling that those two would get together, ever since Karen joined their group. It was about time Firkle grew spine and told Karen how he really felt about her.

Finally the group arrived at the warehouse and all of its creaky, worn-down splendor. Henrietta had received a text from Kenny saying that he and the others were in position. The vampires looked less than impressed, but they didn’t know what they were in for.

Before Mike and his vamp kids could just wander right in, the goths stopped them. “Wait out here until we let you in,” Michael ordered. Mike grumbled something under his breath as the goths slipped inside.

The vampires stood outside in the cold for a good five more minutes before the doors suddenly opened by themselves. They waited a moment for someone to come greet them, but when no one did Mike cautiously led the group inside. As soon as the whole group of five vampires was inside, the doors swung close behind them and they were plunged into darkness without a single light to guide them.

Mike scoffed. “You think the darkness will scare us?” he called out, “We vampires thrive in the dark, per se!”

Before he could say anything more, a path lined with fire suddenly lit up, guiding the way. Annie Bartlett hissed.

“Evil fire!” she spat, clawing at it like some feral creature. Mike rolled his eyes slightly.

“Come on,” he said, “I guess we’re supposed to go this way. Make your cape doesn’t catch on fire Larry.” The boy he addressed quickly snatched his cape off the ground before it had a chance to catch.

The group of vamp kids carefully made their way along the path and Mike wondered what was in store for them. It was starting to get kind of hot from the fire and there were signs starting to appear on the walls. Signs like “Go away” and “Turn back” and “You’re not welcome here.” Ahead of them there was one more wooden sign that appeared to be written in blood. It read “This is your last chance.” Determined, Mike and vamp kids walked past it, ignoring it.

Past the signs was a cramped and dark room that the vampires had to cram themselves into. As they complained about the small space, the doors slammed shut behind them. One of the girls let out a squeak of fear.

“W-What’s going on?” she asked nervously, “I don’t like tight spaces!”

Before Mike could even open his mouth to comfort her, a voice blared at them from somewhere. “Welcome, foolish little vampires, to our house of horrors!” The voice sounded like Henrietta, but they had no idea where it was coming from. “If you want to get out you’ll have to make your way through three floors of fear and find your own way out. Because we’re not going to tell you.”

The room suddenly started shaking and moving and Mike suddenly realized they were in an elevator. The girl shrieked and clung to him in fear. Scowling, Mike pushed her away.

“Don’t scream,” he muttered, “Do you want those goths thinking we’re afraid?”

She muttered something under her breath that Mike couldn’t hear. The elevator then came to a sudden and jarring stop, causing everyone to fall over. As they slowly stood up the elevator door opened with a loud screech. Beyond the door was more darkness.

“Great,” Mike scoffed, “More darkness.”

The vampires all took a step forward and as soon as they did, walls sprang up, separating the group from each other. Mike heard Annie cry out in terror.

“It’s ok, Annie!” he called, “There’s nothing to be scared of! We vampires fear nothing, remember!”

Before Annie could reply, a voice rang out above them. Mike recognized it as Pete. “If you vampire wannabes want to make it out of here alive, then you’ll all have to find your own way through our deadly maze,” he told them, “Or you’ll be stuck in here all weekend. Because we’re not gonna come find you and help you out if you get lost.”

“Good luck!” Firkle added in a sinister voice and laughing manically.

A shiver ran down Mike’s spine but he ignored it and started making his way through the maze. He would show those lousy goths he wasn’t afraid of them or their stupid maze!

In their control room where they had monitors watching the vampires, the goths watched their progress with interest. It had been a pain to map out the maze and even more of a headache to rig it pop up from the floor at the press of a button and lay out all the props so they wouldn’t get in the way. But seeing it finally in action was quite rewarding.

“By the way, Firkle, I love that evil laugh you did at the end,” Michael said as he watched Larry run into another dead end.

“Why thank you, Michael,” Firkle replied, grinning, “I was just doing some improv.”

“Ooh look!” Karen pointed at one of the screens, “Looks like ‘Bloodrayne’ is about to run into Butters!”

The artist formally known as Bloodrayne carefully crept along the corridors, cautious of any jumpscares that might happen. She turned a corner and nearly puked. Butters was laying on the floor, his guts torn out of him and splayed all over. His severed head lay a few feet away with his eyes rolled back in its sockets. Blood was splattered everywhere.

“EEEEEEK!” the girl screeched loudly. “MIKE! SAVE ME!”

The goths watched with amusement as Bloodrayne started frantically running around the maze, getting more and more lost, causing her to run into even more scares the goths had set up. The other vamp kids weren’t doing much better.

Mike was the first to make it to the end of the maze. He waited by the elevator for the others and he sighed as he heard screaming coming from them. Surely whatever they were encountering couldn’t be that scary?

He was startled when one of the boys suddenly burst out of the maze and flung himself at his leader, clinging to his torso in fear. “Oh thank God you’re here, Mike!” the boy cried as Mike futilely tried to push him off, “I was afraid you didn’t make it and I would have to be here all alone! By myself!”

“That’s great, Ryan,” Mike muttered, still trying to pull him off his body, “Can you get off me now?”

A moment later Annie launched herself out of the maze and clung to Mike as well. “Mike! You’re safe!” she exclaimed, “Which means I’m safe!”

“Guys get off me,” Mike grumbled.

The last three vamp kids suddenly came running out of the maze and clung to their leader, crying, and sobbing about being safe. Mike wore an annoyed look as he slowly dragged them all to the elevator.

“Why is this so hilarious to watch?” Henrietta asked, snickering.

“I don’t know, it just is,” Pete replied, unable to hold in his laughter as he observed the look on Mike’s face.

The goths had to get out all the giggles before they could speak to their victims again. “Don’t think you’re safe just because you got through our maze,” Michael warned in a sinister voice, “That was only level one. There are still two more levels to go through. Unless you want to give up now?”

Mike hissed with anger. “Never!” he spat.

As soon as he said this, the elevator shook to life and started moving. Mike and the others braced themselves to stop from falling. When the elevator reached the next floor, it jolted to a stop, causing everyone to stumble to the ground.

“Ow,” Mike mumbled.

The door opened up to a large spacious room bathed in a dark red light. Satanic symbols were painted on the walls. There was a rack in the middle of the room with someone tied to it. Scattered around the room were various torture devices. A pentagram was drawn in the middle of the room under the person and candles were lit on each edge.

“Oh thank God you’re here!” the person on the rack cried out, “They were going to sacrifice me in a horrible bloody fashion! Please! You have to free me! Please!”

As Mike and his vampires cautiously approached the person, which was Kenny putting on the performance of a life time, the goths watched with glee.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Karen taunted in a sing-song voice. But the vamps couldn’t hear her of course.

Making sure the coast was clear and no one was going to jump scare them, Mike and the others entered the pentagram and approached Kenny. The victim let out a sigh of relief.

“Oh thank the heavens! I thought you were just going to leave me!” he exclaimed, “You have to hurry! They might be back at any moment!”

“Will you keep your voice down?” Mike hissed at him as he worked at undoing his bonds, “We don’t want to get caught!”

“Yeah! Shut up!” Larry snapped.

It took a minute but it wasn’t long before they had Kenny free. “Thank you so much for freeing me!” he exclaimed happily. But then his expression darkened and he reached behind his back. “Yes, thank you so much…”

With very little warning, he suddenly lunged at Mike, wielding a demonic looking knife. Mike quickly jumped back, avoiding his attack as Kenny screeched like a maniac. He started chasing the vampires as the torture devices started moving on their own.

“To the elevator! Quickly!” Mike called to the others. They all made a break for it as Kenny chased after them. Just as they made it into the open elevator, a giant scythe came down from the ceiling, seemingly slicing Kenny in half and spilling his guts all over the floor. The elevator door closed.

Annie started to gag from the sight.

“Hey!” Henrietta growled, “Don’t get puke on our blood stained floors!”

The elevator started moving down to the final floor. Mike was still trying to get his breath back from the last thing. Ok, he was ruffled. But he was going to get through this. There was only one floor left. It couldn’t be that bad, right?

When the elevator stopped, the lights suddenly went out and Mike’s vamp children all screamed. Mike’s heart started racing and when the lights came back on, the others were gone. Mike growled softly.

“All right, where’d my friends go?” he demanded. No one answered him. He angrily started pounding on the elevator door until it opened.

Instantly a wave of heat hit him, and he had to shield his eyes from the bright flames that were blinding him. Cautiously, he entered the room keeping an eye out for any of his vampires. They had to be around here somewhere.

That’s when he heard wild cackling coming from near the flames and he realized the flames were a giant oven-like furnace. There was a loud booming voice.

“Keep working!” Cartman bellowed, “We need these flames nice and hot to roast these delicious vampire pies!” He let out a boisterous laugh as his Stan and Kyle assistants kept shoveling coal into the oven. Mike’s eyes widened when he saw his vampire children tied up nearby looking terrified.

Stan and Kyle cackled wildly and went to grab one of the vamp kids only to find Mike untying the last of them. Cartman growled. “Hey! Get back here! You were going to be pie!” He grabbed a nearby chainsaw and revved it up while Stan and Kyle grabbed axes and the three of them gave chase.

Mike led the way as the room became more narrow and harder to navigate. But the sound of the chainsaw was still right behind them and he wasn’t entirely convinced the fat ass wouldn’t really kill them if he caught them. He could still hear butcher Cartman’s evil laughter which seemed to be growing closer.

“Faster Mike!” he heard Annie call, “I think he’s gaining on us!”

They all put on a burst of speed and as soon as they did, Mike suddenly collided with a solid wall. Before he could warn the others, they all ran into him and the wall as well. They tried searching for some sort of door but there was none. They were utterly trapped. The sound of the chainsaw was steadily getting closer.

“Oh man!” Larry stuttered in fear, “We’re doomed!”

“What do we do, Mike?” Bloodrayne asked.

But Mike just stood there, paralyzed in fear. His heart was pounding in his chest. He could see the three maniacs slowly rounding the corner up ahead. He fearfully pressed himself against the wall.

“HELP!” he screamed.

Suddenly, and without any warning, the wall opened up and all the vampires tumbled backwards out into the open air to freedom. They all landed on their backs, staring up into the very smug and satisfied faces of the goths.

“So,” Michael asked in a self-satisfied voice, “How did you like our house of horrors?”

Mike stared up at him in surprise. “Th-? You-? How-?”

“We’ll be collecting our winnings now, thank you very much,” Karen said snidely.

As if afraid of them, the vamp kids scrambled to their feet and took a few steps back. “H-How did you do those effects?” Annie wondered, “K-Karen! Your brother died!”

Firkle scoffed. “We’ll never tell,” he replied, “We’ll be taking all of the candy you’ve collected now, if you please.”

“And I believe there was another part to our agreement,” Henrietta added, raising an eyebrow. Mike growled lowly.

…

As the goths watched the vampires run down the street naked, they heard someone approach them. Henrietta looked over as Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Butters sat on the grass with them still dressed up. She handed them one of the massive bags filled with candy that they had gotten from the vamp kids.

“Here,” she said, “Consider it your payment for helping us. Make sure you save some for Kenny when he gets back.”

“Sweet,” Cartman cooed, already digging in.

“Do you think he’ll be mad that we actually killed him just to get an authentic effect?” Butters wondered, rubbing his knuckles together.

“Nah, he’s used to it by now,” Stan dismissed, “Though he might be disappointed he missed the show.”

“Don’t worry,” Pete told him as he held up his phone, recording the vampires and all of their nakedness, “I’m getting the whole thing on camera.”

Michael laid back in the grass, resting on his arms as he watched their rivals attract the attention of the police while Karen and Firkle snuggled up together. “Best Halloween ever,” he sighed. His friends murmured their agreement.

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s the end! I wasn’t going to originally going to kill Kenny but then I thought it would be funnier if they actually did kill him just to get an effect. And I know technically they never remember that he dies but fuck it. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this nonsense. My only regret is that I didn’t finish this before Halloween. Oh well.


End file.
